Monday, July 23, 2012

Things To Do In St John's

I love St John's, but it can be kind of boring.  There's not really all that much to do around here, aside from drinking and doing the touristy see-the-sights-oh-look-cabot-tower-and-colourful-houses stuff.  I remember one tourism commercial that I saw all the time in college.  It started out with a bunch of people closing their shops with a disembodied voice going "When the sun goes down..." and then partying at george street or a concert, "The city goes up!" and then thirty seconds of Epic Parties that do not actually happen here.  I was like "Yeah, sorry, I don't think there's really any good way to spin the 'everything in the city closes at five pm' line, guys.  Thanks for trying, though."

So when I was hanging out with a friend on Sunday, we couldn't really think of anything to do.  Sunday's even worse than the rest of the week, nothing's ever open on Sundays.  So, to find something interesting going on in the city, we turned to Google.  What the hell, I figured, we'd go the touristy route and look there. So I looked up "things to do in St John's."

Omfsm.  Tourists must haaaaaaate us.  In one list, the top two attractions closed a while ago.  The top one, Auntie Cray's, was a deli or something (how exciting!)  that closed down in 2010.  Rocket Foods now occupies the space it used to be in.  And the second item down the list, the Science Centre, used to be the coolest place to visit....when I was a little kid.  I don't know the exact date that the Science Centre closed, but it sure as heck isn't there now.  And another list I looked at was even worse.  While as far as I could tell all the attractions it included still existed, way down near the bottom City Wide was listed as an attraction.  Do you know why City Wide isn't a St John's tourist attraction?  City Wide is a taxi service.  Ooooh, look honey!  It's a rare St John's cab!  Get the camera!

Oh, dear.  I'm looking at the City Wide website now.  I think the word you're looking for is 'perusing' and not 'parousing.'  Also, I know you tried your best, sweetie, but I think the last words I'd use to describe your website would be "fascinating and entertaining."  Especially since more than half of the links on the site lead to pages that haven't actually been created yet.

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