Monday, July 30, 2012

The Quest for Bacon, Eggs and Cheese

Today I embark on a quest.

It shall be a grand adventure, full of bravery and battles and treasure and xp.  And eggs.  Because today, I am going to try and learn to like scrambled eggs.  Madness, I know!  What even is my deal, who knows.

Full disclosure, I hate eggs.  They taste gross, they look gross, they feel gross.  Eggs are just gross.  Like homemade mac and cheese, everything from the taste to the texture to the very smell is revolting.  Well, revolting is a little strong.  But I'm overusing gross, so I'll stick with it.  I don't like eggs.  Never have, probably never really will.  But recently, two Things Of Great Importance have happened to me.  Both things are food.

The first Thing Of Great Importance: I had delicious homemade mac and cheese.  I didn't know it could be done.  Homemade mac and cheese is just nasty, I've never been able to eat it.  But then, bacon happened.  Fuck yes bacon.

I didn't know you could add things to mac and cheese!  Especially not bacon!  It was so delicious, my brain imploded.  I didn't realize mac and cheese could be that delicious.  Even the texture was somehow better.  Suddenly, terrible foods could be improved.

The second Thing Of Great Importance: breakfast taquitos.  Again, I'd never been fond of taquitos.  I didn't hate them like mac and cheese, but I couldn't see any redeeming value in them either.  And then I ate breakfast taquitos, and it was like I could hear a chorus of breakfast angels singing (over the radio).  I expected to dislike them -- they're made with bacon, egg, and cheese.  Bacon was pretty much the only decent food in that, though I'm learning to like cheese.  So I took a bite thinking I'd spit it out and move on with my life, but oh my god I've never felt this way about my mouth before.  It was the most amazing mouthfeel in the world.  Holy crap, eggs didn't ruin it!  Eggs.....eggs might taste good.

Well, fuck.  Now I have to test this.  Test this with improvements.  Like bacon.

So, In The Name Of Science, I googled a few recipes for Best Scrambled Eggs.  Most of them look terrible, so fuck that.  But some of them (like the ones with onions) look like they might taste pretty good.  Some of them (the ones with bacon) look like they might taste amazing.  I don't think I have onions, but I definitely have cheese and bacon.  I'm gonna test the fuck outta these eggs.  Test them by eating them.  Eating them with Science*.  It will be a glorious quest for taste-knowledge.

I'm actually quite excited to quest on this.  I've always wanted to like eggs, because they seem so fun to make.  And also it's a reason to make bacon and bacon is always a reason to be excited.

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