But I love my jeans anyway. Possibly because of that! There's just something about going through racks of jeans until you find the Perfect Pair. I get all happy inside when I look in the dressing-room mirror at jeans that look as awesome as they feel. I love a good pair of jeans. I can get very emotional when it comes to pants, you see.
I sure as hell don't.
They aren't magic in that they fit whoever tries them on like those weird Sisterhood pants. Fuck right the hell off, I'm not letting anybody else wear these! These are mine, get your own magic pants! Don't you dare come near my jeans, Bruce Banner.
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT MAGIC PANTS ANYWAY JERK
My jeans are magic in that they fit me so well it's almost eerie. I found them in Value Village for like five bucks, ages ago. In high school, so probably like four or five years ago. And I tried them on and it's like a chorus of angels was singing, though it might have been the radio. They were perfect! They made my ass look fantastic. They fit in the waist AND in the leg, which is just like astounding when you're as short as me. I've never found jeans that fit me in the leg before! And they made my ass look fantastic. They had this neat design on the right leg, sort of cut out of the jean all neat to show brown suede-like material sewn underneath, and instead of a zipper they had the same sort of suede material in a string, lacing up the front. And did I mention that they made my ass look fantastic? When I die I want to be buried in these jeans, for super serial.
So I got these jeans secondhand and I've been wearing them for like four or five years now. Obviously, they're starting to get a little worn out. I noticed last year that the material's getting really thin and a small hole is starting to appear around the crotch-thigh area, where my upper thighs rub together when I walk. I was literally devastated when I realized that these jeans are not immortal, and I can't wear them for the rest of my life. Nooooooooooooooooo!!
Or can I?
Well, they probably won't last the rest of my life. Unless I die tomorrow in a freak trouser explosion or something. But I can make them last longer!
I decided I didn't want to give up on my favourite jeans. There had to be some way to fix them, right? I mean, I couldn't think of any way to successfully patch a crotch without ruining the look of my jeans, but maybe there's some sort of trick out there for it. So I started googling! TO THE SEARCHMOBILE
NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND BUT OK
But anyway. If I couldn't find any other options I would probably end up going for Denim Therapy, but I'd rather save that money and fix them myself if it turns out to be possible. Hey I said I'd be willing to pay someone to fix my jeans, not that I want to do it. Luckily for me, I kept searching and found a couple of answers!
The most common one is "make a patch." Usually of another layer of same-colour denim or a funky-looking patch of another colour, material, or pattern. That would probably work for the knee or something, if there was a hole there, but for my crotch? It sounds like it would end up being ugly and bulky and uncomfortable, since the jeans are fairly tight. I have a few pairs of jeans that I can rescue with this patch-method, but I doubt it would work for my magic jeans.
And then I found this. It is exactly, perfectly what I need to save my favourite pair of jeans from becoming totally unwearable. It's perfect! It's incredible, fantastic, amazing, it's intastimazing! I had no idea that I could fix my jeans in such a clean, tidy-looking way! I'd settled for getting the hole in my jeans patched up in an awkward but serviceable way, so they look slightly less awesome but I can wear them again. It's like magic! I can save my magic pants with magic sewing! Thank you, Google! Now let's party. TURN THE MUSIC UP AND DANCE, MOFOS