New information in the Rudolph saga. The note on the fridge was apparently written by my brother Sandy; when he woke up today he asked if we saw it. We were all, yeah but the trap sprang without catching anything and he was like, what. Apparently he heard what was, according to him, the most disgusting sounds he's ever heard. He was convinced he was listening to Rudolph die, he heard the snap and a scuffle and then what he described as "arterial gushing," the sound of blood gushing out in time to a heartbeat.
So into the bathroom we go to check again, this time with a flashlight to make sure we don't miss anything. And sure enough, about two feet back underneath the tub was a pool of blood...
...But no rat.
And there are no tracks to or from the blood either, no sign of anything being there, just a dried puddle of blood on the ground. And it's pretty far away from the trap too, it was like two feet away and didn't have any blood on it at all. The only explanation I can think of is he was flung there, bled out and died, and after the blood dried he reanimated and scurried off. Clearly we have an undead rat living in the walls of our house. This will be Ground Zero for the zombified rat army uprising.
Honestly, I'm starting to think we should just give up and move out. This is just too much for us. He can have the house, we don't want it any more.
Showing posts with label real stuff is happening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real stuff is happening. Show all posts
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Rudolph The Rat
So, we have a Christmas rat in the house. I've named him Rudolph, in the spirit of the season.
He got in a few days ago. I know, because I'm a complete night owl so I was the only one awake all night to see him. And I saw him all right, because he was freaking all over the place. First I heard something moving in the kitchen from my seat in the living room, so I get up and walk down the hallway just in time to see a dark thing scurry across the way from the kitchen door to dad's office. "Okay," I think to myself, "So we have a mouse." No biggie. We live kind of far back from the street, a little into the woods, so we get mice on a regular basis. Especially in winter when they are looking for someplace warm and full of food to snuggle up in during the cold weather. In fact, we'd just gotten rid of a mouse or two in the past week with sticky traps. Personally, I hate the things; I can't stand hearing mice squealing in terror when they're trapped in one, and pretty much all you can do with sticky traps is either crush the mouse to death (we use wine bottles) or, if the poor thing is unlucky, you don't notice it's there so it dies of thirst over a period of days, all the while struggling and screaming and biting at itself in a futile attempt to escape. Unfortunately they are easily the most effective type of trap.
Anyway, I thought nothing of it at first, but Rudolph wasn't exactly shy, so I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't a normal mouse in the house. I caught another glimpse of him as he ran behind a cupboard later, and I thought "That seems to be a bit bigger than your average mouse." Later on I'm back in the living room, sitting on the sofa with my laptop on my lap, and I see something out of the corner of my eye. I look up just in time to see his tail flash by in the gap between the garbage can and the chair; it's long, dark, thick and held at least an inch off the ground. I don't know a lot about rats, but as an animal lover I've happily played with friends' pet rats and none of them seemed that big. But it was most definitely a rat's tail. Next time I go into the kitchen, I see his adorable ratty face poking out from behind a bag before he takes off. Later on I get a properly good look at him (and he is huge) when he climbs up onto the tv stand to explore...about five feet away from me. I guess he figures that as big as he is, he can take anyone, especially the short person on the sofa. To be fair, he probably has a point.
Anyway, clearly something must be done before Rudolph starts feeling at home. I spent most of that night chasing after every noise I heard with a bit of pipe in my hand, stomping and shouting at him. I have no idea how my family slept through it. I didn't have any proper rat traps, but I had a few mouse-sized sticky traps so I was hoping they could do the trick. No luck. I set one behind the bag and in front of the drawers, where I saw him before, and not fifteen minutes later I hard thrashing and the bag rustling in the kitchen. But when I get there the bag is already knocked over and the trap gone. I pull out the drawers (they are a plastic set on wheels, we are theoretically still renovating the kitchen) and yep, it was hauled underneath them, no rat inside. Damn. Later on, when I catch him trying to go at the big garbage bag (successfully tearing it all to pieces before I can chase him off) I take the ineffective trap and put it by the bag to ward him off, using his freakishly large intelligence against him. We both know the trap won't actually stop him...but he knows it is a trap. It must have worked, because he stayed away from the bag after that. The next day I go to Canadian Tire with Dad and we buy half a dozen rat traps.
We set two as soon as we got home, then promptly lost the bag. Grammy was spending the night that night, so I stayed up later than usual (or rather, as late as I normally do, but intentionally this time) both to be around to help her if she needed it and to listen for Rudolph and keep him from eating my sleeping grandmother's face Compsognathus-style should he show up. I heard him rattling around a lot and I think I caught a glimpse of him once or twice, but nothing like the night before. The next night my brother Sandy hears him; he was int he front of the house, and I was in the living room at the back. He comes tearing down the hallway like a shot and vanishes into his bedroom, bellowing "MOM SAID I COULD!" I figure out what he's talking about when he comes out and runs off with a bow and arrow; clearly a Rudolph situation. I haven't got the pipe at hand this time, so I grab the death stick (an electrified tennis racket I use for flies, a gift from my mother last Christmas) and follow behind.
We don't catch Rudolph, because rats are quicker than people looking for weapons to kill rats with, lucky for them. But we do find the Canadian Tire bag with the rat traps in it, so we set a bunch. Two around the front of the house, where we keep hearing him. One behind the silverware drawer, where I saw him that one time. One in the attic where Sandy thinks he heard him and where we found a dead bird that Rudolph may or may not have been eating. One in the bathroom behind the tub, where my parents think he might have gotten in by squeezing around the pipes. One underneath the record player; I haven't seen him over there yet, but mice like that area as we've caught a few in the sticky traps below there, so we might luck out with Rudolph. I feel like there's another one or two that I have forgotten, but I don't think there actually are. I'm just imagining things. Anyway, we rat-proof the house as best we can and post a list of the traps on the fridge so nobody breaks a finger digging too deep in the food cupboard under the microwave and go to bed. The next day when I get up somebody's scribbled "RAT IN BATHROOM TRAP" but I checked and the trap has been sprung but there's no rat in it. I think he set it off and someone heard that and wrote it down without checking to see if it actually got him.
I am hoping we catch him before Christmas. I don't want Rudolph getting into and ruining my Christmas candy or anything. Sandy had to get rid of his Christmas stocking last year because a mouse chewed a hole in it. Not during Christmas, I mean, but over the summer when he had it put away. And Dad is already sick of dealing with rodents getting into the garbage box down the driveway and ripping the garbage bags up and spreading trash everywhere, we would rather keep that out of the house if at all possible. If we do catch him I will post updates and possibly pictures, if I ever find my camera cable to connect to the computer so I can actually take my photos off the camera!
Artistic interpretation of Rudolph, except not. It's just a random Christmas rat picture I stole from Google Image Search.
Sorry for stealing, The Dapper Rat.
Anyway, I thought nothing of it at first, but Rudolph wasn't exactly shy, so I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't a normal mouse in the house. I caught another glimpse of him as he ran behind a cupboard later, and I thought "That seems to be a bit bigger than your average mouse." Later on I'm back in the living room, sitting on the sofa with my laptop on my lap, and I see something out of the corner of my eye. I look up just in time to see his tail flash by in the gap between the garbage can and the chair; it's long, dark, thick and held at least an inch off the ground. I don't know a lot about rats, but as an animal lover I've happily played with friends' pet rats and none of them seemed that big. But it was most definitely a rat's tail. Next time I go into the kitchen, I see his adorable ratty face poking out from behind a bag before he takes off. Later on I get a properly good look at him (and he is huge) when he climbs up onto the tv stand to explore...about five feet away from me. I guess he figures that as big as he is, he can take anyone, especially the short person on the sofa. To be fair, he probably has a point.
Anyway, clearly something must be done before Rudolph starts feeling at home. I spent most of that night chasing after every noise I heard with a bit of pipe in my hand, stomping and shouting at him. I have no idea how my family slept through it. I didn't have any proper rat traps, but I had a few mouse-sized sticky traps so I was hoping they could do the trick. No luck. I set one behind the bag and in front of the drawers, where I saw him before, and not fifteen minutes later I hard thrashing and the bag rustling in the kitchen. But when I get there the bag is already knocked over and the trap gone. I pull out the drawers (they are a plastic set on wheels, we are theoretically still renovating the kitchen) and yep, it was hauled underneath them, no rat inside. Damn. Later on, when I catch him trying to go at the big garbage bag (successfully tearing it all to pieces before I can chase him off) I take the ineffective trap and put it by the bag to ward him off, using his freakishly large intelligence against him. We both know the trap won't actually stop him...but he knows it is a trap. It must have worked, because he stayed away from the bag after that. The next day I go to Canadian Tire with Dad and we buy half a dozen rat traps.
The big ones.
We set two as soon as we got home, then promptly lost the bag. Grammy was spending the night that night, so I stayed up later than usual (or rather, as late as I normally do, but intentionally this time) both to be around to help her if she needed it and to listen for Rudolph and keep him from eating my sleeping grandmother's face Compsognathus-style should he show up. I heard him rattling around a lot and I think I caught a glimpse of him once or twice, but nothing like the night before. The next night my brother Sandy hears him; he was int he front of the house, and I was in the living room at the back. He comes tearing down the hallway like a shot and vanishes into his bedroom, bellowing "MOM SAID I COULD!" I figure out what he's talking about when he comes out and runs off with a bow and arrow; clearly a Rudolph situation. I haven't got the pipe at hand this time, so I grab the death stick (an electrified tennis racket I use for flies, a gift from my mother last Christmas) and follow behind.
We don't catch Rudolph, because rats are quicker than people looking for weapons to kill rats with, lucky for them. But we do find the Canadian Tire bag with the rat traps in it, so we set a bunch. Two around the front of the house, where we keep hearing him. One behind the silverware drawer, where I saw him that one time. One in the attic where Sandy thinks he heard him and where we found a dead bird that Rudolph may or may not have been eating. One in the bathroom behind the tub, where my parents think he might have gotten in by squeezing around the pipes. One underneath the record player; I haven't seen him over there yet, but mice like that area as we've caught a few in the sticky traps below there, so we might luck out with Rudolph. I feel like there's another one or two that I have forgotten, but I don't think there actually are. I'm just imagining things. Anyway, we rat-proof the house as best we can and post a list of the traps on the fridge so nobody breaks a finger digging too deep in the food cupboard under the microwave and go to bed. The next day when I get up somebody's scribbled "RAT IN BATHROOM TRAP" but I checked and the trap has been sprung but there's no rat in it. I think he set it off and someone heard that and wrote it down without checking to see if it actually got him.
I am hoping we catch him before Christmas. I don't want Rudolph getting into and ruining my Christmas candy or anything. Sandy had to get rid of his Christmas stocking last year because a mouse chewed a hole in it. Not during Christmas, I mean, but over the summer when he had it put away. And Dad is already sick of dealing with rodents getting into the garbage box down the driveway and ripping the garbage bags up and spreading trash everywhere, we would rather keep that out of the house if at all possible. If we do catch him I will post updates and possibly pictures, if I ever find my camera cable to connect to the computer so I can actually take my photos off the camera!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Phoque Bardot Murder Burger
Apparently there is a restaurant (a terrible terrible restaurant of filth and hate!) in Quebec called Côté-Est that has shocked and horrified millions by - how dare they - selling a burger. Awful, right? I mean really!
This is such a heinous crime that of course righteous and civic-minded individuals have informed the restaurant of their opinions regarding the burger, in the form of hate mail and death threats. Nothing extreme or anything, of course -- I mean, how else are they supposed to spread their message of love and non-violence? The only way to share your belief that killing and eating animals is wrong is by threatening to kill humans. For some reason, some people have been objecting to this? I don't get it, really. They aren't saying the restaurant owners should be eaten, like they do to those poor innocent baby seals! Just that they should be killed! Which, really, is a fair expectation, don't you think?
All kidding aside, why the hell are the animal rights nutjobs only now getting freaked out by this place. It's not like they were a vegan place that started selling seal burgers in a moment of madness. They had beef burgers before this, presumably. They had chicken on the menu. They have been selling meat the entire time. Are cows worth less than seals now? Is there a hierarchy of animals, where it becomes less and less offensive to eat them? How come pigs are lower than seals on that hierarchy? Pigs are adorable. Look at this guy. How is this little babykins worth fewer points than a boring old seal not eating ice cream.
Oh, wait, I figured it out! Clearly, up until now the restaurant hasn't been selling meat made of animals. They've been selling meat that was not made of animals. Beef is not made of cows, it is grown on a farm somewhere, and this seal burger is the first time any animals have ever been made into meat for this restaurant. All the rest they got was made at the supermarket, where as we all know, no animals were harmed. It's the only thing that makes sense, really.
This is such a heinous crime that of course righteous and civic-minded individuals have informed the restaurant of their opinions regarding the burger, in the form of hate mail and death threats. Nothing extreme or anything, of course -- I mean, how else are they supposed to spread their message of love and non-violence? The only way to share your belief that killing and eating animals is wrong is by threatening to kill humans. For some reason, some people have been objecting to this? I don't get it, really. They aren't saying the restaurant owners should be eaten, like they do to those poor innocent baby seals! Just that they should be killed! Which, really, is a fair expectation, don't you think?
All kidding aside, why the hell are the animal rights nutjobs only now getting freaked out by this place. It's not like they were a vegan place that started selling seal burgers in a moment of madness. They had beef burgers before this, presumably. They had chicken on the menu. They have been selling meat the entire time. Are cows worth less than seals now? Is there a hierarchy of animals, where it becomes less and less offensive to eat them? How come pigs are lower than seals on that hierarchy? Pigs are adorable. Look at this guy. How is this little babykins worth fewer points than a boring old seal not eating ice cream.
Raise them on ice cream for extra deliciousness
Oh, wait, I figured it out! Clearly, up until now the restaurant hasn't been selling meat made of animals. They've been selling meat that was not made of animals. Beef is not made of cows, it is grown on a farm somewhere, and this seal burger is the first time any animals have ever been made into meat for this restaurant. All the rest they got was made at the supermarket, where as we all know, no animals were harmed. It's the only thing that makes sense, really.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Fuck This Fucking Bullshit
Look at this crap. This guy raped a twelve year old kid and gets off easy because the judge "could not prove the girl did not consent to it." This is directly from CBC's report:
The kid was TWELVE. A twelve year old child cannot consent to sex with a twenty-one year old man. Full stop, no exceptions. She most certainly can't consent to a grown man jumping on her stomach because he had sex with her and got her knocked up. What the hell is wrong with this fucking dipshit judge if he thinks a little kid can consent to sex and assault? That's not even how the law works! That's statutory rape, even if she said yes she still wasn't consenting because a) a kid doesn't have the knowledge, experience or physical development to fully consent to something like that and b) IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE SEX WITH A KID EVEN IF THE KID SAYS YES, BECAUSE KIDS CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX. Also, kids can't consent to getting jumped on to terminate a pregnancy. Jesus fucking christ. I can't fucking believe this fucker is in charge of judge stuff, since he is clearly incompetent. I mean, I could understand if he went down the "we don't have proof it happened" road, but this whole consent bullshit, are you kidding me?
The victim was in Grade 6 when the two began a sexual relationship.In court, the girl said that Louvelle got her pregnant, and that on four separate occasions he jumped on her stomach in an effort to terminate the pregnancy.Justice Alan Seaborn wrote in his decision that he believed the girl's claims to be true, but he was unable to find Louvelle guilty of assault because he could not prove the girl did not consent to it.
The kid was TWELVE. A twelve year old child cannot consent to sex with a twenty-one year old man. Full stop, no exceptions. She most certainly can't consent to a grown man jumping on her stomach because he had sex with her and got her knocked up. What the hell is wrong with this fucking dipshit judge if he thinks a little kid can consent to sex and assault? That's not even how the law works! That's statutory rape, even if she said yes she still wasn't consenting because a) a kid doesn't have the knowledge, experience or physical development to fully consent to something like that and b) IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE SEX WITH A KID EVEN IF THE KID SAYS YES, BECAUSE KIDS CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX. Also, kids can't consent to getting jumped on to terminate a pregnancy. Jesus fucking christ. I can't fucking believe this fucker is in charge of judge stuff, since he is clearly incompetent. I mean, I could understand if he went down the "we don't have proof it happened" road, but this whole consent bullshit, are you kidding me?
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Wendy Davis Is My Hero
I don't have anything new to say about Wendy Davis, her filibuster down in Texas, or the ridiculous anti-abortion law that she's dealing with, that a thousand other people have not already said a thousand times better than I ever could. I just wanted to chime in and say that this woman is a true hero, and she will undoubtedly go down in history for what she's doing tonight. The law that they are trying to pass isn't just ridiculous, it's hateful and inhuman, and everyone who supports it should be ashamed of themselves for being such a miserable failure of a human being.
If I ever meet Wendy Davis, I would be honored for the privilege of shaking her hand and telling her what a true inspiration she is. If I ever meet any of the subhuman slime-crawlers who wrote or supported that bill, it would take more willpower than I have to keep from spitting on them.
If I ever meet Wendy Davis, I would be honored for the privilege of shaking her hand and telling her what a true inspiration she is. If I ever meet any of the subhuman slime-crawlers who wrote or supported that bill, it would take more willpower than I have to keep from spitting on them.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Commons Approves Transgender Rights Bill
Okay, yeah, it's pretty shitty that this bill was so massively opposed. Why do people have a problem with the idea that trans people don't deserve to get the shit kicked out of them, literally and figuratively, just because of their gender? Fuck you conservatives. Normally I'm not very political, but when almost an entire party thinks that some people don't deserve equal treatment, that's a pretty big sign that your party is bad and you should feel bad. Not to mention Prime Minister Stephen Harper (may his asshole fester) opposed this bill. Seriously? Why you gotta be a shit, Steve. Nobody likes you. Get outta here.
Also, I can't believe I have to point this out, but trans does not mean pervert. Trans women aren't dudes who get off on wearing a skirt and makeup. And they aren't pedophiles. What is it with assuming that anybody who is even slightly different from the "average" person is a pervert or a pedophile? Like people who insist that gay people shouldn't be around kids because pedophilia or trans people shouldn't use the bathroom because pedophilia Nobody worries that a straight cis person is gonna touch your kid in the bathroom. I get the feeling that all of this "for the children!" claptrap is just a cover for "I don't like people who are different from me, so I think there should be a law to make sure they all go away!"
But let's look on the bright side. Despite the depressing opposition and compromises to this bill, it got passed! Yay! Canada is a better place today than it was yesterday!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Goodbye, pennies.
Well, it's February 5th. Canadian pennies are officially gone, the last one was minted yesterday. Well, not gone, there's still like a bajillion of them, but the government isn't gonna make any more of them so it's close enough. It's about time, I guess. Nobody uses pennies any more, they're too expensive to make, they clutter up my coinpurse, they've got little microchips inside them recording everything we do so the government can spy on us. Nobody wants a penny.
I'm still gonna miss them, though. I liked pennies, even if nobody else did. I'd collect them in a tin, and throw them at my friend Tree. Now that pennies are on the way out, I'll have to start using nickels. That's like a 500% price increase in ammunition! I can't afford that! Now I have to switch to elastic bands or something. And even that's more expensive than pennies. Times are sad, my friend. Times are sad.
But hey, at least we got a neat Google Doodle.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Alan Turing's Gay Pardon
I read yesterday that a bunch of famous people, like Steven Hawking and Other Leading Scientists Who Didn't Write A Brief History Of Time, are petitioning to have Alan Turing posthumously pardoned for being gay.
In case you didn't know, Alan Turing was a totally rad dude who worked for the government in the Department of Awesomeness where he Invented The Future while winning all of the wars or something. Except he was gay, and back then it was a crime to be gay, so he was arrested and chemically castrated and fired because he might have been a KGB spy to tempt Amurka's government with gayness, and then he killed himself because his life was royally fucked. That's the short, no-research history I gave you right there. I can probably give you a better description of who he is, why he's such an important figure, and what happened to him when it's not...holy shit, six forty-five in the morning, I should go to bed. Whatever, I'll finish this first. Don't let my terrible late-night-explaining skills fool you into thinking he wasn't actually a huge deal, because he was super-important and what happened to him was a vile tragedy.
Anyway, some people want Alan Turing posthumously pardoned, because it's wrong to ruin someone's career and life just because of their sexuality, duh. Apparently there's some sort of rule saying that a person can't be pardoned if the thing they want to be pardoned for was actually a crime when they were convicted of it, despite it being a terrible, stupid, disgusting law that pretty much everybody now agrees was so awful and inappropriate that it should never have existed.
I don't have a real problem with people who want to posthumously pardon the guy. I see where they're coming from. Alan Turing was a hero, and the way he was treated was despicable, and now we want to try and make things a little bit right, even if we are fifty years too late.
I do have a problem with how this pardoning petition comes across, though. Why just Turing? Why not everybody who was convicted of having teh gayz? Wasn't it was a terrible law in the first place? It was wrong to convict people for being gay and ruin their life, whether they were a war hero or just your average guy who liked to suck dick. Or do people not actually care that lots of people were damaged and opressed by that law and only war heroes should get specially nominated to be officially forgiven for liking cocks because hey, he made up for it by winning World War 2 and all. Pardoning just one or two people for this makes it seem like anybody who doesn't get posthumously pardoned is still guilty of being gay and deserved their consequences. Even the phrase "pardoned" irks me. Hey, you guy, we're going to bestow upon you this great awesome favour of being forgiven of your gayness! Haha, isn't that big of us? We're so cool now!
Also....shit. I had at least two points I wanted to make, and another half-a-point in the back, but I can't remember what they are now. Fuck. Oh well, it's like seven thirty now, and rather than have this be yet another draft wallowing miserably in my posts to be edited and fussed over for eternity, I'll just post it and make another post later if I remember what those points were gonna be. I should probably get some sleep for now.
In case you didn't know, Alan Turing was a totally rad dude who worked for the government in the Department of Awesomeness where he Invented The Future while winning all of the wars or something. Except he was gay, and back then it was a crime to be gay, so he was arrested and chemically castrated and fired because he might have been a KGB spy to tempt Amurka's government with gayness, and then he killed himself because his life was royally fucked. That's the short, no-research history I gave you right there. I can probably give you a better description of who he is, why he's such an important figure, and what happened to him when it's not...holy shit, six forty-five in the morning, I should go to bed. Whatever, I'll finish this first. Don't let my terrible late-night-explaining skills fool you into thinking he wasn't actually a huge deal, because he was super-important and what happened to him was a vile tragedy.
Anyway, some people want Alan Turing posthumously pardoned, because it's wrong to ruin someone's career and life just because of their sexuality, duh. Apparently there's some sort of rule saying that a person can't be pardoned if the thing they want to be pardoned for was actually a crime when they were convicted of it, despite it being a terrible, stupid, disgusting law that pretty much everybody now agrees was so awful and inappropriate that it should never have existed.
I don't have a real problem with people who want to posthumously pardon the guy. I see where they're coming from. Alan Turing was a hero, and the way he was treated was despicable, and now we want to try and make things a little bit right, even if we are fifty years too late.
I do have a problem with how this pardoning petition comes across, though. Why just Turing? Why not everybody who was convicted of having teh gayz? Wasn't it was a terrible law in the first place? It was wrong to convict people for being gay and ruin their life, whether they were a war hero or just your average guy who liked to suck dick. Or do people not actually care that lots of people were damaged and opressed by that law and only war heroes should get specially nominated to be officially forgiven for liking cocks because hey, he made up for it by winning World War 2 and all. Pardoning just one or two people for this makes it seem like anybody who doesn't get posthumously pardoned is still guilty of being gay and deserved their consequences. Even the phrase "pardoned" irks me. Hey, you guy, we're going to bestow upon you this great awesome favour of being forgiven of your gayness! Haha, isn't that big of us? We're so cool now!
Also....shit. I had at least two points I wanted to make, and another half-a-point in the back, but I can't remember what they are now. Fuck. Oh well, it's like seven thirty now, and rather than have this be yet another draft wallowing miserably in my posts to be edited and fussed over for eternity, I'll just post it and make another post later if I remember what those points were gonna be. I should probably get some sleep for now.
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