I dunno if you realize, but I love hats. I collect them. I have a box full of dorky hats, and I need more. More! I've got a cow hat, a sheep hat, a raccoon hat, a cat hat, a frog hat, two fedoras, a sparkly top hat, a Cookie Monster hat, a Luigi cap, a one-up beanie, and now two more! Plus, all those other hats in my box that aren't springing to mind immediately. Hey, it's like all the way in the other room, I'm not getting up and looking through it for a dumb blog post. Just trust me when I say I've got a ton of hats. Where did you think the name came from?
So I bought two hats this weekend! Now that winter is slowly, slowly approaching, then backing off, then coming up again for a day, then going back to summer, then threatening to eventually come back, I figured I need a new hat to keep my ears warm when my other hats won't do because I need more hats all the time because you never have enough hats ever no matter how many are in the box. And because the store was having a two for one sale, I bought two! I bought a panda hat, and a superbright hat! I wore the panda hat downtown this weekend and two different people stopped me on the street within like half an hour of wearing it, so they could compliment it. And one woman was like, "Oh wow, I want that hat -- wait, I have that hat! It's got a panda on the front!" when she saw it from behind. The superbright hat is also rad. It is like the traffic cone of headgear. It is retina-meltingly-bright!
I wish my camera could show you exactly how bright this hat is. It practically glows.
I gotta limit my hat-buyery though. Lets face it, I can only wear one or two hats at a time. If I bought a hat every time I wanted a hat I'd be broke and crazy warm. So I only buy a couple of hats a year, or whenever I see one that I really can't resist. Hey, I don't have unlimited willpower. How do you expect me to resist a puppy hat or a Canada Day visor if I see one? That's just ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I'm going hat-shopping.
Just saw the Hunger Games. Later I'm sure I'll end up doing the proper bloggy thing to do and actually write a post about what I thought of it, but I just need to get this off my chest first.
I don't know who did the costuming, but I love them for it. I mean, the first costume they put Katniss and Peeta in are those total villain costumes -- seriously, they've got the spiky black leather stuff and they are on fire! The book played it off as all dramatic and impressive, sure, but it wasn't till I saw that part of the film that I realized holy shit, they look fucking evil! I made a couple gifs and in every one Kat and Peeta look villain-tastic. It's like the Baroness meets The Rani or something. With fire, so a little Team Magma thrown in? And hell, a bit of Sauron l flair to boot. Check these outfits out. Watching these gifs out of context I get the vibe that these two are some sort of somewhat-confused villain team on a conquest tour or something. In a parade in the city they've conquered, I dunno. Katniss's hair looks really familiar too, but I can't think of where I've seen a similar style.
Kat kinda looks like the Master in that screen-banner thing.
I had something I was gonna mention in my last blog post, but I forgot about it! Or did I intentionally neglect to say it so I could have another blog post to write...no, it was the first one. I promise.
Anyway, it was something I noticed that a lot of people said, while I was googling ways to repair worn-in-the-crotch jeans. A lot of people seem to have this problem, particularly with cheap jeans (no surprise). I read a bunch of different threads and there were tons of people saying "Yeah, I have that problem but my jeans are so cheap it isn't really worth the effort of fixing it, so I just toss them out or donate them," or "I just wear jeans with holes in them. If they get really bad they get tossed/donated."
Good for you for donating your used clothing! It's just such a good deed, I bet you feel really good inside after you do that. It's so nice of you! Kudos!
Seriously, what a dick move. You have a pair of jeans that's so old and worn out with so many holes that you can't possibly wear them any more, and you decide to donate them? Ohh, wait, you said toss or donate. So there's like a fifty-fifty chance there, you'll either toss them in your own trash or make the local non-profit charity group use their funds to sort them and throw them out. Honestly if your clothes are worn out and have any holes in them anyway, the thrift store you donate them to won't want them in the first place. They get loads of clothing and throw a lot of it away anyway. Places like the Goodwill and Salvation Army get more clothing than they need, they don't need beat-up clothes that are so bad even you refuse to wear them. At what point did you look at the shredded assless chaps that you used to call your jeans and think "Well I'd never wear this again, but there's somebody out there who wants to!"
Shopping for jeans sucks. It's almost impossible to go to the store and find a couple of pairs of jeans that look good, they're not that shitty ultra-low-waist straight/skinny leg style, that fit well and have decent pockets. I'm sure you know how I feel about pockets.
But I love my jeans anyway. Possibly because of that! There's just something about going through racks of jeans until you find the Perfect Pair. I get all happy inside when I look in the dressing-room mirror at jeans that look as awesome as they feel. I love a good pair of jeans. I can get very emotional when it comes to pants, you see.
And because I love my jeans so much and it's so hard to find a good pair, I'm loathe to throw a pair out. Even when I've worn them to threads and there are giant holes in them, I think about how comfy they are and how long it took to find them, and I just can't throw them away. I will wear jeans until I have no other choice to go buy new jeans to replace them, and then I keep both the new and the old jeans. It's probably a bad habit, because I have like a billion pairs of jeans that are so ragged and worn to bits that I can't wear them unless I decide to become a very odd stripper and I still don't get rid of them. Maybe I need help or something, who knows?
I sure as hell don't.
But there's this one pair. This one pair of jeans that I am just so emotional about oh my denim god. Anybody here read The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants? I haven't. But I saw the movie! Or I saw like half the movie. Bits and pieces of the movie. Okay I saw the beginning of it shut up and let me finish. I have magic pants.
They aren't magic in that they fit whoever tries them on like those weird Sisterhood pants. Fuck right the hell off, I'm not letting anybody else wear these! These are mine, get your own magic pants! Don't you dare come near my jeans, Bruce Banner.
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT MAGIC PANTS ANYWAY JERK
My jeans are magic in that they fit me so well it's almost eerie. I found them in Value Village for like five bucks, ages ago. In high school, so probably like four or five years ago. And I tried them on and it's like a chorus of angels was singing, though it might have been the radio. They were perfect! They made my ass look fantastic. They fit in the waist AND in the leg, which is just like astounding when you're as short as me. I've never found jeans that fit me in the leg before! And they made my ass look fantastic. They had this neat design on the right leg, sort of cut out of the jean all neat to show brown suede-like material sewn underneath, and instead of a zipper they had the same sort of suede material in a string, lacing up the front. And did I mention that they made my ass lookfantastic? When I die I want to be buried in these jeans, for super serial.
So I got these jeans secondhand and I've been wearing them for like four or five years now. Obviously, they're starting to get a little worn out. I noticed last year that the material's getting really thin and a small hole is starting to appear around the crotch-thigh area, where my upper thighs rub together when I walk. I was literally devastated when I realized that these jeans are not immortal, and I can't wear them for the rest of my life. Nooooooooooooooooo!!
Or can I?
Well, they probably won't last the rest of my life. Unless I die tomorrow in a freak trouser explosion or something. But I can make them last longer!
I decided I didn't want to give up on my favourite jeans. There had to be some way to fix them, right? I mean, I couldn't think of any way to successfully patch a crotch without ruining the look of my jeans, but maybe there's some sort of trick out there for it. So I started googling! TO THE SEARCHMOBILE
NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND BUT OK
First thing I found was Denim Therapy. Apparently I send them my jeans and some money and they will fix my damaged pants. I put it on my list of things to Consider. Maybe to some people it would sound crazy to be willing to pay somebody what will probably end up being a fairly substantial amount of money to repair a five-dollar pair of jeans from a thrift store. In which case, what have you been reading up till now because it probably wasn't this blog post. YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND MY DENIM LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE
But anyway. If I couldn't find any other options I would probably end up going for Denim Therapy, but I'd rather save that money and fix them myself if it turns out to be possible. Hey I said I'd be willing to pay someone to fix my jeans, not that I want to do it. Luckily for me, I kept searching and found a couple of answers!
The most common one is "make a patch." Usually of another layer of same-colour denim or a funky-looking patch of another colour, material, or pattern. That would probably work for the knee or something, if there was a hole there, but for my crotch? It sounds like it would end up being ugly and bulky and uncomfortable, since the jeans are fairly tight. I have a few pairs of jeans that I can rescue with this patch-method, but I doubt it would work for my magic jeans.
And then I found this. It is exactly, perfectly what I need to save my favourite pair of jeans from becoming totally unwearable. It's perfect! It's incredible, fantastic, amazing, it'sintastimazing! I had no idea that I could fix my jeans in such a clean, tidy-looking way! I'd settled for getting the hole in my jeans patched up in an awkward but serviceable way, so they look slightly less awesome but I can wear them again. It's like magic! I can save my magic pants with magic sewing! Thank you, Google! Now let's party. TURN THE MUSIC UP AND DANCE, MOFOS
Do you know why they are the worst pants? It's because they are secretly bad.
I've hated them for months, but I can't throw them out because one, who throws out pants don't be ridiculous. And two, the second I take them off, I forget how terrible they are. Because they look really good! They fit me well, they're new-looking without any holes or wear, the hem is still attatched. They have pockets. You have no idea how much I love pockets, you guys. They're great. Like half of my pants have these shitty little pockets that I can get maybe half my hand into when I'm not wearing a ring or anything. Or worse, they don't have pockets at all. I have one pair of pants that has fake pockets. They look like they have pockets! There is the pocket opening, and a button for the pocket, and all that pockety goodness that makes you think "yup, these are some pockety pants!" But then you try and put your hand in the pocket, and the pocket isn't there. The pocket is fake. It's the pocket opening sewn onto a pocketless pair of pants. WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Wait shit I started complaining about the wrong pants. Oops.
So Worst Pants have pockets, and no holes, and all the belt loops are secure and attatched. They look like any normal pair of NotWorst Pants. I don't realize until like halfway through the day that the pants I am wearing are, in fact, Worst Pants.
Because that is when I realize that my fly never stays zipped.
I must have zipped my fly like five bajillion times today. Do I have a tiny pixie living in my Worst Pants, unzipping my fly every five minutes? Am I forgetfully unzipping my fly at random? Am I hallucinating my pants and actually walking around in my underpants all day? I hope it's not that last one. That would be embarrassing. Though compulsive fly unzipping isn't exactly elegant either.
At first I wasn't sure how to end a blog post about pants, but then I realized that there was only one way.
