The Egg Quest: Concluded?

Can it be?  Have I discovered the secret to Delicious Eggs?  Has my lifelong quest to improve terrible foods finally come to an end?  Can I really call it a lifelong quest if I only started it a couple of weeks ago?

Yeah, I guess not.

Anyway, I made some scrambled eggs tonight.  They were delicious!  At first.  They turned gross when they started to cool off, I guess eggs are the sort of thing that only taste good hot?  Is that an egg thing?  I don't eat eggs how should I know.  Cooling-off breakfast taquitos are still good though.  But I'm pretty sure they are magical wands in food form what with the being unbelievably delicious thing.

So my scrambled eggs: I discovered the secret to making them taste delicious.  I must add as many other ingredients as it takes to mask the egg-taste.  Which sure, maybe it's cheating, but seriously eggs are gross and I don't know if I can fix that.  So I added a few lumps of grated cheese, a quarter of an onion, four slices of bacon, a bit of milk, butter, and a bit of pepper and sugar.  Is it weird to put sugar in eggs?  Batman, any thoughts?

Wait, no it's not weird or no you don't have thoughts?  BATMAN COME BACK I'M CONFUSED

Anyway, the recipe I was (mostly) following said to fry the bacon while you prepare the other ingredients.  I am sorry, Recipe, I guess you're a lot better at dicing onions and finding the pepper and grating cheese than I am.  Or at least you can do it a lot faster.  Because when I tried to do it that way I got like, less than halfway through dicing the onion before the bacon started getting burn-y.  Again.  Saved it in time this go around, though!!  Anyway here's a Life Tip, when you try a new thing always assume it will take you approximately sixteen times longer to do the little nibbly details than it did for Person Who Has Done It A Million Times And So Wrote A Recipe For Scrambled Eggs Where They Think It's Totally Reasonable To Prepare All The Ingredients In The Time It Takes To Fry Bacon And By The Way Bacon Apparently Needs A Lot Of Attention So Maybe You Shouldn't Do Anything Else While Making Bacon If You Are As Not-Great At Cooking As I Am, And This Name Turned Out To Be Way Longer Than It Needed To Be.  Gasp, pant, breathe.

Anyway, the recipe is pretty similar to the eggs I made last time, what with the bacon and the cheese.  So clearly, the secret ingredient that made them Delicious instead of Tolerable was the onions.  This doesn't surprise me.  Onions are amazing.  They are the most delicious things in the world and every time someone tries to convince me otherwise it just makes me more certain that Onions Are The Best Thing Ever Fuck You.  Don't believe in the awesomeness of onions?  They made scrambled eggs taste amazing!  Onions are magic, I'm telling you.

Magic.

For the record, add a bit of onion soup mix to the patty-meat when you are making hamburgers or mooseburgers, it makes them taste amaaaaaazing.  Fuck yeah, onions!!!  =D

So, is this the end of my egg quest?  In finding the secret to making yummy scrambled eggs, has my journey finally come to a close?  Can I lay to rest my weary spatula, hang the apron, and close the pantry door for good?  Okay okay Batman's telling me to shut up already.  Besides, I didn't even use a spatula.   Or own an apron.  Also I don't technically have a pantry.  Well, maybe I have a pantry.  A pantry can just be a shelf full of condiments, right?  Like it doesn't specifically have to be a food-closet-thing, does it?  Oh.  Wikipedia says my shelf of condiments can't be a pantry because a pantry specifically has to be a food-closet-thing.  Well fuck you too, Wikipedia, fuck you too.

I'm sorry, Wikipedia.  I didn't mean it.  Can we be friends again?  I miss you.

The Egg Quest: Continued

Okay, not an auspicious start to my quest.  I burned the bacon first go round and set off the smoke detectors, but at least this time there isn't a hole in the floor this time.

I still don't like eggs.  I did my best.  The bacon was delicious, but it was bacon so of course it was.  Maybe I should have put some salt or pepper on the eggs or something .  And also cleaned the pot after I burnt the first two strips of bacon, because the burnt taste ended up being really obvious in the food and the burnt bits turned the eggs a sort of dull greyish colour that looked....not really appetizing, to say the least.  Also I broke a plastic spoon in the eggs and didn't realize until I saw it on my fork.  In my defense, it was a white spoon and really blended in with the egg.

So now the question is, what do I do next in my quest to improve eggs?  How do they taste so good in my breakfast taquitos, but so terrible on their own?  It can't all be the bacon making it fantastic, can it?  Well okay it probably can because bacon is magic like that.  Maybe a bacon omelet or something, or I can just keep adding things to scrambled eggs until they start tasting good.  Or should I move on from eggs entirely and see if I can make some other terrible foods taste good?  Decisions, decisions.

The Quest for Bacon, Eggs and Cheese

Today I embark on a quest.

It shall be a grand adventure, full of bravery and battles and treasure and xp.  And eggs.  Because today, I am going to try and learn to like scrambled eggs.  Madness, I know!  What even is my deal, who knows.

Full disclosure, I hate eggs.  They taste gross, they look gross, they feel gross.  Eggs are just gross.  Like homemade mac and cheese, everything from the taste to the texture to the very smell is revolting.  Well, revolting is a little strong.  But I'm overusing gross, so I'll stick with it.  I don't like eggs.  Never have, probably never really will.  But recently, two Things Of Great Importance have happened to me.  Both things are food.

The first Thing Of Great Importance: I had delicious homemade mac and cheese.  I didn't know it could be done.  Homemade mac and cheese is just nasty, I've never been able to eat it.  But then, bacon happened.  Fuck yes bacon.

I didn't know you could add things to mac and cheese!  Especially not bacon!  It was so delicious, my brain imploded.  I didn't realize mac and cheese could be that delicious.  Even the texture was somehow better.  Suddenly, terrible foods could be improved.

The second Thing Of Great Importance: breakfast taquitos.  Again, I'd never been fond of taquitos.  I didn't hate them like mac and cheese, but I couldn't see any redeeming value in them either.  And then I ate breakfast taquitos, and it was like I could hear a chorus of breakfast angels singing (over the radio).  I expected to dislike them -- they're made with bacon, egg, and cheese.  Bacon was pretty much the only decent food in that, though I'm learning to like cheese.  So I took a bite thinking I'd spit it out and move on with my life, but oh my god I've never felt this way about my mouth before.  It was the most amazing mouthfeel in the world.  Holy crap, eggs didn't ruin it!  Eggs.....eggs might taste good.

Well, fuck.  Now I have to test this.  Test this with improvements.  Like bacon.

So, In The Name Of Science, I googled a few recipes for Best Scrambled Eggs.  Most of them look terrible, so fuck that.  But some of them (like the ones with onions) look like they might taste pretty good.  Some of them (the ones with bacon) look like they might taste amazing.  I don't think I have onions, but I definitely have cheese and bacon.  I'm gonna test the fuck outta these eggs.  Test them by eating them.  Eating them with Science*.  It will be a glorious quest for taste-knowledge.
*bacon

I'm actually quite excited to quest on this.  I've always wanted to like eggs, because they seem so fun to make.  And also it's a reason to make bacon and bacon is always a reason to be excited.