Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sometimes people suck.

An open letter to some of the more irritating customers of the store we were doing a job for a few weeks ago:

Just for future reference, the next time you try to enter a store from the exit door, and you see a couple of people in flagman vests and hard hats standing on ladders fiddling with wires from the nonfunctional automated doors?  It might not kill you, much to your surprise, if you were to enter through the working Entrance door about five feet to your left, clear of any obstructions.

Also, if the Exit doors have been pulled shut and powered down while people work on them, and while the Entrance door that you should be using anyway is working perfectly fine (again, just five feet to your left!), please do not physically pull the Exit door open.  Perhaps it didn't occur to you that it had been closed for a reason, but maybe the ladder leaning against it and the people obviously working on the door wiring should have been a sign.

If after becoming fed up with the previous store customers the aforementioned vested-and-helmeted workers create a barricade of lawn chairs to deter people like - well, to put it bluntly, people like you - please do not shove the lawn chairs aside and try to pull the Exit doors open so you can enter the store.  As I said, the functional Entrance doors are five feet to your left, and labeled in large, bright green letters.  I apologize for inconveniencing you with this arduous detour.

Finally, when the nonfunctional closed barricaded Exit doors have been further decorated with a hastily made sign saying "Please Use Other Door <------" scrawled in Sharpie on a scrap of printer paper.  When you came up to the door, gaped uselessly at the sign, and then turned to me saying "Uhh, can you open the door?  I can't get in."  I just wanted you to know that the pause before I told you to try the Entrance door to the left wasn't because I was trying to understand your question.  I was just desperately hoping to spontaneously develop some dark magical power with which to strike you down.  Sorry again for the inconvenience.


  1. I...I did not think I could lose anymore faith in the human species, but you have proven me wrong.

    1. If it makes you feel any better, the last one is written with a bit of artistic license haha. Full disclaimer: he didn't actually ask if I would open the door for him, but he stood there for a minute and you could tell by his expression that he really wanted to ask, until he realized "holy shit, other door?"

      Seriously though, I couldn't figure out why every single customer made a beeline for the Exit door, with the giant red EXIT sign, when the giant green-signed ENTRANCE door was literally right next to it.

  2. Definitely a JTTW kind of day.