Saturday, June 8, 2013

Who Is Surprised That "The Internship" Sucked?

Now, to be fair, I haven't actually seen The Internship.  I loathe Owen Wilson.  I hate his stupid face and his stupid voice and all the stupid roles he plays.  He ruins every movie he's in.  I couldn't watch Cars because he was just hanging out there, ruining it.  I still resent him for that.  I wanted to watch every Pixar film, and Owen Wilson single-handedly destroyed that dream, the fucker.

But anyway, The Internship.  It sucks, according to Rotten Tomatoes.  Normally I'd be all "Well, comedies are especially hard to review, because instead of objectively-good or objectively-bad things like acting or writing you're also trying to review an extremely subjective thing, comedy!  What you think is dumb a lot of people will find really funny, so you can't just use one person's review to say whether a film is good or bad!"  Except Owen Wilson, so of course it's bad.

But still, I know other people enjoy Owen Wilson.  After all, he's famous for a reason.  So how did I know that The Internship would tank?  Easy: they put absolutely no work into advertising it.  I go to the movies fairly regularly, and I only saw a single trailer for it, ages before it opened.  And when they finally put up posters for it in the theatre, they didn't give a single clue what it was about.  Seriously, it was just a giant poster of Owen Wilson's face looking as doofy as humanly possible with the word INTERN plastered over his forehead in forgettable font.  It said nothing about the film, and the trailer had been so long ago I'd forgotten about it already.  So I didn't know what the hell it was or why I should watch it, other than "look, this famous person is in it!"  Which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.  Seriously, if Hollywood can't even manage to advertise a comedy about two idiots trying to scam their way into a job they aren't qualified for while hilarity ensues, and Hollywood loves shitty comedies like that, then what hope does it have of being any kind of quality film?

And no, seriously, look at this friggin' poster:

What the hell is that expression supposed to convey, other than "I don't actually remember what this movie is about, but I'm in it so you should probably go see it"?  It doesn't even say Google anywhere to jog your memory.  It's just, LOOK! FACE!  Can you be any less creative?  If the movie is even half as uninspired and bland as the posters for it are....then it's a pretty shitty movie, I guess.  See, that poster is so bad it's sapped my ability to mock!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, OWEN WILSON

1 comment:

  1. you can't really go by Rotten Tomatoes. I have found them to be out of touch. Not saying the Internship was a masterpiece, or that you have to like Owen Wilson, we are all entitled to our opinions. But I don't think the Internship was a horrible film. It's not one I'd watch over and over, but it was enjoyable the two times I've seen it. And I didn't even know that was Owen Wilson in Cars. lol. It's just his voice.