Friday, October 19, 2012

How To Get Along With Women

I was in the car with Dad the other day and caught a bit of some CBC thing on the radio.  Somebody wrote a book called "How To Get Along With Women" and CBC had taken a bunch of comments from people who called in or tweeted or whatever, with advice on how to get along with women.  Now one thing before I start ranting, the book itself is not actually instructions on how to get along with women.  Or I don't think it is.  I didn't hear the interview with the author, but it's supposed to be a bunch of short stories.  I don't know what the stories are.  I have zero knowledge of the actual book, and no problem with it either.  I'm sure it's a fine book. If I ever read it I'll make a post about it, but until then I'm just reacting to what I heard on CBC, not the book or the author or anything.  End disclaimer.

Not actually what this post is about.  Sorry for any confusion.

All I heard was CBC asking people for advice on How To Get Along With Women and airing the replies, like "Just say 'yes dear' to everything," or "Give them whatever they want" or "Obey them" or whatever.  I almost wish I had known about the original call for advice, so I could give them mine.  Are you ready for it?  Okay, here goes: how about you treat women like fucking people instead of The Great Women Monolith, where All Women want the same things and will react the same way to any given approach because it's How You Get Along with them.  How do you get along with men?  I presume by treating them as people who have their own minds and motivations and not assuming that all men are interchangeable.  Well guess what?  It works the same way with women, too!  You get along with them by not being a fucking asshole.  If you are a fucking asshole, you don't get along with anybody and it doesn't matter what the hell their plumbing is downstairs.

You might think I'm overreacting here, but I hear this so fucking often it has stopped being just a dumb question and has started being super-rage-inducing.  Guys asking for dating advice, because "You're a girl!  How will Chick I Know react to this."  What?  How the fuck should I know how she'll react to it, I've never even met her.  "You're a girl, right?  What did my girlfriend mean when she said [thing]."  I think she meant stop asking random people on the internet what she meant and start asking her, because she's the one who would know.  Women don't have a secret code that we all share, despite whatever the shitty sitcoms are telling you.

So seriously, I'm begging you.  Stop asking this stupid fucking question.  Everybody stop asking it.  It's a shitty question.  Any answer you get won't actually be about women, people you know, coworkers or family members or friends.  It will be about Women, who are all stereotypical caricatures with shrill voices who insist on Talking About Feelings and shopping and going to the bathroom in packs and spending two hours doing their makeup while The Men wait downstairs, talking about sports and cars and guns and Manly Things like that.

If you really have a question on how to get along with a Specific Woman, like that cute redhead at the office or the neighbor to your left or your best friend's cousin, go ahead and ask a question.  But ask the right question, to the right people.  Don't ask Random Online Friend Who Is Also A Lady what Julie-from-work meant when she said [thing she said].  Ask Steve-from-work or Alice-from-work what Julie meant.  You know, people who know Julie.  As a person, not just Random Woman [insert optional description here].  If you want to know how Emma Next Door would react to [thing to react to], same deal.  Ask people who know her.  Don't ask any random person because You Are Woman What Does The Hive Mind Say About It.

It's just.....augh, fuck everyone for this.  "Give her whatever she wants, agree with everything she says, that is how you get along with women!"  Why is that the advice for dealing with women?  Seriously, nobody says that about men.  Is it okay to say it about women because women are shallow and only want you to give them small unimportant things whereas men are the ones you have to actually negotiate important things with?  You see what's wrong with that, right?  Women are people.  Men are people.  If you can get along with men, then you can get along with women.  If you are having trouble getting along with women when you get along with men perfectly fine, you know what that says about you?  It says that you are treating women as less-than-men, and they can tell.  That's what the problem is.  If you can't get along with women, it's not because you didn't get the right advice for How To Deal With Women.  It's that you think you need advice for Dealing With Women (The Monolith) because you are treating them as Women first and as People second, if you treat them as People at all.  So.....fuck you, I guess.  You are being a douche.  Hope it works out for you.

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