But I digress, I was talking about my dream-hamsters, not my future-hamsters. Once a year or two ago I dreamed I had two pet hamsters that I kept in a cage on top of my dresser. And every so often I remember that dream, but I forget for a second that it was a dream. So I remember owning hamsters, and then I go, holy shit I haven't thought about those hamsters in months the poor things have starved to death I'm such a terrible person! And it's only after I have made myself feel miserably sad and guilty over being such a terrible person that I remember, wait, I've never owned a hamster, that was only a dream I had once. I am not sure if this is an odd story or if it happens to a lot of people. I'm just blogging about it in the hope that once it becomes a funny story I tell, I'll stop forgetting that the hamsters were only a dream. I love my dead dream hamsters, I don't want to think that I killed them. The poor little things.
Friday, March 15, 2013
I Am A Terrible Dream-Pet Owner
Once I dreamed that I had two pet hamsters that I kept in a standard-size (read, small) cage on top of the dresser in my room. I dreamed this a year or two ago, and it was not a particularly exciting dream, with the exception of two cute hamsters. I have always wanted a hamster. I can't have one though, because I am not nearly responsible enough to keep a small pet. I can handle a dog, but a hamster is beyond my capabilities. I'll leave the cage door open and the hamster will run out and get caught in the sticky trap in the kitchen, and it'll be just like when mice get caught in it. I'll hear my pet screaming in terror and biting at itself until it bleeds, immobilized in the glue until somebody finds it, and all you can do is put the entire trap with the screaming terrified rodent into a plastic bag and smash it with a wine bottle to put it out of its misery. It's the most inhumane form of trap. I wish it wasn't so effective. Also, I wish people would keep hamsters in larger cages. I've never seen a hamster really happy in one of those standard-size cages, that are like the size of a shoebox. Hamsters get bored in those and just sleep in the corner all day and get fat because there's no room to run around so all they can do is spin on that little wheel. I've seen hamsters get bored of that wheel. Hamsters seem to be happiest in those huge two-story cages with the tubes and shit to run around in, and a little cubbyhole to hide and sleep in. If I ever get a hamster, that's the cage I'm getting. Fuck the tiny one, I want my hams to have all the space they need.