Why I can't ever be a nail blogger

I admit it, I am wildly jealous of people like Ash and Jen.  Their lovely long nails, their skill at applying nail polish and holding the camera steady so they can photograph their work, plus not to mention all those pretty colours!!  To have a nail polish blog must be a wonderful thing indeed.

I will now show you exactly why I can never have a blog like theirs.  Feel free to point and laugh.

It was really hard to take a photo of my nails.  I suck at holding cameras steady, let alone holding the camera steady and focused at my other hand which also must be held steady.  

Fifteenth time's a charm!  Finally got a not-blurry photo, now you can see how carefully and accurately I did my nails.  I don't even bother trying to do a tidy job of nail-painting, by the way.  I learned years ago that it's hopeless to even try.  I just tip my entire hand in a bucket of house paint and clean it up later.

Oh fuck it, I can't keep both hands steady at the same time.  I finally compromised and found something to put my hand on so I could take another picture (it's the edge of my sink, not the toilet bowl.  Though now that I've brought it up you probably won't believe me anyway).  I wish I could grow my nails longer than this, I'd love to have Ash's eye-gouging talons.  They'd probably be easier to paint, too.  Unfortunately I've been a nail-biter all my life.  If I let my nails get any longer than this they start driving me nuts and I start chewing on them.  It's a pretty hard habit to kick :(

Look at this, I can't even show the bottle without fucking it up.  Can you read the name on that?  I can't.  If I didn't have the bottle in front of me right now I couldn't tell you that this was a picture of Wet n Wild's Wild Shine polish.  The colour is Sunny Side Up but that's on the back, so I have an excuse for blocking that.

So this is why I can't have a nail blog.  I thought it would be funny to show the world how bad I am at painting my nails.  It kind of backfired, though, because this isn't funny at all, it's just boring.  Turns out there's not much point in writing about nail polish if you know nothing about nail polish and can't take decent photos of pretty nails.  At least the colour is cute?