Dear Drunk Lady Please Don't Grab My Food

Went down to Mardi Gras on George Street the other night with Ash and Yellow Dude, and had a blast (of course).  The evening was a ton of fun.  YD's Jack Skellington costume was a hit, my Vampire Queen costume was exactly what I wanted it to be, and Ash's rocker outfit looked badass.  We heard some great music, saw some great costumes, just generally had the sort of time you'd expect from Mardi Gras.  When we got bored of the street around three thirty in the morning, we hit the Celtic Hearth for some dinner, as we usually do.  Which is where some random woman walking past leaned over my shoulder and grabbed my sandwich.

Of all the weird people on the Street, this lady was the weirdest.  Like, seriously.  I don't go downtown often, but when I do there are always weirdos, and this person was the weirdo to out-weird all weirdos.  Exactly how drunk or how stupid do you have to be to walk past a complete stranger's table in a restaurant, take a liking to their sandwich, and proceed to grab it off their plate?  I was talking about something or other to Ash and YD, and all of a sudden they just got this look of utter shock on their faces.  Ash, momentarily speechless (an oddity, to say the least) managed to point towards my plate and say, "Uh, Robin!" in a horrified tone.

I look over and see some random person's hand clawed around my sandwich and from behind me I hear some woman say, "Oh, can I have this?"  Without thinking, I knock her hand away and hunch protectively over my plate, my hands belatedly forming a shield over my poor groped food and saying, "Um, NO!"  I never did see her face, but Ash and YD told me later that her expression was really offended, and I hear her go "Awww!" in a disappointed tone as she leaves the restaurant.  Maybe she thought that by getting her hands all over my meal I'd be too disgusted to keep it and she'd get away with the bounty or something.  Clearly she has no idea how possessive I get over my food.  Back off, lady.  I'll fuckin' bite.

Happy Turkey Day!

Or for freaks like me who don't like turkey, happy whatever you are eating day!  Or just Thanksgiving, if you aren't hungry.  I hope everybody who is getting one enjoys their long weekend!

Fuck This Fucking Bullshit

Look at this crap.  This guy raped a twelve year old kid and gets off easy because the judge "could not prove the girl did not consent to it."  This is directly from CBC's report:

The victim was in Grade 6 when the two began a sexual relationship.

In court, the girl said that Louvelle got her pregnant, and that on four separate occasions he jumped on her stomach in an effort to terminate the pregnancy. 

Justice Alan Seaborn wrote in his decision that he believed the girl's claims to be true, but he was unable to find Louvelle guilty of assault because he could not prove the girl did not consent to it. 

The kid was TWELVE.  A twelve year old child cannot consent to sex with a twenty-one year old man. Full stop, no exceptions.  She most certainly can't consent to a grown man jumping on her stomach because he had sex with her and got her knocked up.  What the hell is wrong with this fucking dipshit judge if he thinks a little kid can consent to sex and assault?  That's not even how the law works!  That's statutory rape, even if she said yes she still wasn't consenting because a) a kid doesn't have the knowledge, experience or physical development to fully consent to something like that and b) IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO HAVE SEX WITH A KID EVEN IF THE KID SAYS YES, BECAUSE KIDS CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX.  Also, kids can't consent to getting jumped on to terminate a pregnancy.  Jesus fucking christ.  I can't fucking believe this fucker is in charge of judge stuff, since he is clearly incompetent.  I mean, I could understand if he went down the "we don't have proof it happened" road, but this whole consent bullshit, are you kidding me?

Lay's Grilled Cheese & Ketchup Chips

Okay, apparently I'm going to blog all the new Lay's chip flavours.  I can deal with this, presuming I find the last one, which isn't in the store by my house.

As soon as you open the bag you'll find that these smell exactly the same as their regular Ketchup chips.  They're a little milder in flavour and you can sort of taste the cheese, if you squint and imagine and forget what cheese tastes like.  So they are at least a (mostly) original flavour, compared to the Caesar dressing chips which were just Sour Cream and Onion.  They're not that great, though.  Well, they're okay, they're certainly better than Maple Moose, but if I wanted Ketchup I'd go buy Ketchup.  The bag ended up going stale before we finished it, so we threw it out half-full.  Hopefully soon I can check out those Perogi Platter ones and they will do better than the competition (not that that'd be difficult, looking at the competition).

Anybody want to buy a snowboard?

Because I'm selling this one.

It Menaces With Spikes Of Llama Wool

I've been playing Dwarf Fortress a lot lately, and last night one of my dwarves was overtaken by a strange mood and claimed a metalsmith's forge, and ended up creating this thing:

It reads, "Udnair, 'Willrhymed', a trifle pewter right gauntlet.  This is a trifle pewter right gauntlet.  All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.  It is studded with trifle pewter and encircled with bands of white stork bone.  This object menaces with spikes of llama wool.  On the item is an image of forgotten beasts in white stork leather.  On the item is an image of Willrhymed the trifle pewter right gauntlet in ash."

I love how the dwarf who created it engraved an image of it on itself, "in ash."  I don't even know what that means, I didn't know ash was a thing you could engrave.  It's not wood from an ash tree, because that would be called ashen, I'm told.  Maybe he glued the ash on like an arts-and-crafts project and then carved it in?  Alternate theory, it is not an image of the glove, in ash.  It is an image of the glove in ash.  As in, the dwarf created a really spectacular gauntlet, then decided he had to carve onto the side an image of that gauntlet lying in a pile of ash, presumably because the world burned around it and the gauntlet is the only remaining sign of anyone having lived and fought and died there.  Dwarves are real downers.

I wonder if the image of the gauntlet on the gauntlet is also engraved with an image of the image of the gauntlet on the image of the gauntlet on the gauntlet.  And that image has an image of the image on the gauntlet on the image of the gauntlet on the image of the gauntlet on the gauntlet.  Dwarves, man.

Lay's Creamy Garlic Caesar Chips

Hey, check out what I bought the other day!  Not this specific bag, I stole this photo off the net because I threw out the empty bag I had before I realized I should snap a photo of it for my blog post. But I bought a bag pretty much identical to this, I swear!

So, I assume you all remember that I sort of reviewed the Maple Moose chips a while ago.  Oh, you don't? Nobody reads my blog or cares about the chips I eat and that post was stupid anyway?  Well, I guess that's fair.  I accept that.

Anyway, in my Maple Moose post I mentioned that the chips were really sweet, and not really in a good way.  I also may have mentioned that Maple Moose is a ridiculous idea for a flavour, but the salad flavoured chips seem like a really interesting idea and I wanted to try them!  So I did!  And....well.

First off, the image on the bag is much less hilarious than the Maple Moose one.  I'm ashamed of you, Lay's.  What, you couldn't think of a way to make salad look creepy-sexy?  All you can come up with is a boring old bowl of salad?  That's not fun blogging about at all.

Next, the taste!  Like I said, I was excited to try these because dang, I haven't heard of salad flavoured chips before!  That must be a really unusual, interesting flavour!  Imagine my disappointment when I ate one and found it was....sour cream and onion.  Really?  You call that a limited flavour?  I guess that's a good thing for anybody who ended up a fan of these chips, because it sucks to find something yummy only to have it vanish (bring back The Works chips!  I only had one bag as a kid, and it haunts me!).  But who hasn't already tried the sour cream and onion chips yet?  You had a chance to make something really different with this flavour, and you just wasted it on an old boring recipe instead.  Again, Lay's: shame.  Don't advertise something as new when it so blatantly isn't, it's rude to lie to your customers.

HOT DAMN IT'S A TWISTY JAR

No shit you guys, check this thing out!  It is the best thing!  I know I am super late to the party on this but I don't even care because it is the best thing!

That's a fucking twisty jar!  It's like armpit deodorant, but for food!  Wait that sounds gross and less delicious than peanut butter that doesn't get all over your hands.  It's like lip gloss, but for food!  (Is that better?  At least it is stuff that goes around your mouth area like food does).  I hope wowbutter starts using it because getting fake peanut butter on my hands is like 40% of the reason I have not finished the jar in the cupboard.  About 25% of the reason it is still there is because we have no good sandwich bread and wowbutter just isn't as satisfying as peanut butter to eat straight out of the jar.  This is an awesome invention and I want to use money on it!  You can tell I am super into it because of all the exclamation marks in this post!!!!!!!

Ugh

Ok so there are actually loads (and loads and loads and loads) of things about the "straight ally safe place" tumblr, Straight Voices, that piss me off.  Like seriously, pretty much every other post has something awful in it somewhere, from concern trolling via the tone argument (if you were just CALM and REASONABLE and NEVER EVER GET UPSET about all the awful bullshit that any sane person would get rightly furious over, everything will be magically better!  This is why cis straight people are better at gay rights than gay people!) to appropriating LGBT shit (why can't I have straight pride?  You get to be proud of being gay!  It's the same thing, isn't it?) to....well, to shit like this.  But one of the simpler, stupider things that annoys me is that slogan they have, Straight But Not Narrow, specifically when they are on t-shirts.

There are a few people who posted photos of this shirt, but I chose this person's photo

because I didn't want to steal someone's face-visible photo without permission to use in a critical post.

I think I hotlinked it, so if they choose to take down the photo on their end

it'll disappear here too rather than being up despite what they want.

What is even the point of this shirt?  It's not in support of anything.  It's not saying, "Hey, I think it's unfair that gay people aren't allowed to get married!" or "The government has no business in someone's bedroom!" or "Maybe transfolk should not get beat up and murdered all the time!"  It is not raising awareness or supporting a specific cause (to my knowledge).  It's just self-centred and braggy.  "Hey, look at me!  I don't hate gay people!  Me!  This straight person!  Right here!  Isn't it amazing how fantastic I am for not hating gay people, even though I'm straight!?  I'm so straight, you guys!"  Congratulations, you are not a blatantly hateful homophobe, you have reached the minimum requirements for being a decent human being.  Now maybe you should stop making everything about you and what an awesome ally you are even though those darn lgbt's are just so cishetphobic omfg.

I Dreamed A Dream

Last night I had a dream that the walls of my house were full of maggots.  Not tiny normal maggots though, but giant snakelike maggots.  And they would burrow through the walls like fish swimming through a coral reef.  I watched them come out of the mouth of a man on a poster in my room, and go back in through his eye.  We didn't know where they were coming from, until we went underneath the house to look at the foundations and saw what must have been at least a dozen blocks of cheese, huge blocks, the size of a large trunk or sailor's chest.  Then my alarm went off and I woke up, which was disappointing because I wanted to know how the cheese factored into all this.