Friday, July 26, 2013

The Airplane

On any dating site, you're going to run into creeps. And they can be fun, let me tell you. Back when OKCupid flagmods still got to deal with flagged messages and profiles, you'd run into creeps like old FifaFiat/True Poizon all the time; remember his bullshit list?  Unfortunately now you only get to moderate on flagged photos, probably because assholes like me would post their douchebaggery on other sites, which I guess some people objected to.  Because how dare someone tell people about your public profile that shows what a dick you are, right?

Whatever, flagmod has less of the fun stuff now.  But that doesn't mean there are fewer weirdos; it just means you find them when they message you directly instead of when you find them flagged for shit.  And it is so much more fun when they message you directly, because then you can just fuck with them right back.  Check it, I spent like half an hour messaging this guy last night, it was hilarious.  I wish I knew more about airplanes, though.

And if you can't see the photos or don't feel like clicking to make them bigger, here's the text of the conversation:

Your conversation with [redacted]      Chat

[redacted]7/25/2013 3:00:19 PM
Flag Message

hey, are u interesting on someone who has natural gift?

[me]7/26/2013 2:48:41 AM
I'm an airplane.

[redacted]7/26/2013 2:49:19 AM
Flag Message

haha---not that lol, just whether u like it or not

[redacted]7/26/2013 2:50:01 AM
Flag Message

u dont need satisfaction?

[me]7/26/2013 2:54:03 AM
My dream is to someday break the sound barrier. I know, big dreams for an average commercial airliner, right? But I practice all the time, I can go really fast! I just love flying, it's what I'm meant to do.

[redacted]7/26/2013 2:57:15 AM
Flag Message

try other things too, u have to try everything in your life time
so try mine.
it is like flying also when u hang on it

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:04:30 AM
Flag Message

try this one another dream

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:06:57 AM
Flag Message

can I have your number lol so that we will meet another day?

[me]7/26/2013 3:15:16 AM
Are you asking for my make or my serial number? I'm a Boeing 727, line number 18436.

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:20:07 AM
Flag Message

I need your cell number.
ours will be friendship... just to meet some days and have coffee together and be friend.
are u pilot or just dream?

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:23:21 AM
Flag Message

lol, I want to sleep, can I have your cell number?

[me]7/26/2013 3:24:37 AM
Don't be silly, airplanes don't have cell phones. How would I even use one? I have wings, not hands. Though I guess maybe I could get a bluetooth headset or something, but it'd have to be pretty big to fit on an airplane.

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:25:04 AM
Flag Message

this is my email: [redacted]

[redacted]7/26/2013 3:25:51 AM
Flag Message

okay come down ntonight

[me]7/26/2013 3:33:00 AM
I'm sorry, my place is in the sky. I belong in the clouds, far above you, with flight attendants handing out small packs of peanuts as my engines shred unlucky birds. I'm afraid we are simply too different to connect; you as a human, me as a Boeing aircraft. I know this must be hard to hear, but don't take it personally. It just wouldn't work between us. But hey, if you ever need a lift to another province, I'm your plane!

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