Sunday, January 13, 2013

Things I Hate On Facebook

You know what the worst part of Facebook is?  It isn't the constantly-changing layouts or the sketchy privacy settings or the aggravating app and game invites.  It's the people.  What is it about Facebook that turns pleasant, reasonable people into self-righteous, judgmental, pointlessly manipulative douchebags?  They seemed like perfectly fine people when I met them and said "Hey, you seem cool, you should add me to Facebook."

But nope.  Every day I look at my Facebook feed and find another half-dozen bullshit photo or status memes to hate.  Just look at this shit.

"Vapid pseudo-inspirational bullshit with poor grammar!  You're beautiful!  And skinny!  You'd better be skinny, because that's what I meant when I said you're beautiful.  Don't you dare be overweight when you step on that scale.  Or be happy with your fat.  EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE SKINNY!  You're reading this on a phone, right?  Haha, of course you are."

"It's wrong to call her a slut, because she's actually a virgin! Shame on you for mistaking one of the Pure and Untainted for someone who has sex.  The problem was clearly where you thought she was not Virginal, rather than the idea that slut-shaming anyone regardless of their sexual activity is inherently wrong.  Like the pregnant girl walking down the street!  She was raped!  She doesn't deserve to be bullied for her pregnancy, unlike another pregnant girl who got pregnant from consensual sex.  She has it coming, so I'm not going to even try to defend her.  You don't know ANYBODY!  Not really!  Isn't that mind blowing?  People have lives completely unrelated to you!  If you don't re-post this then you endorse bullying and I bet 99% of you are terrible, terrible people who want kids to be bullied until they kill themselves, because that's what it means if you don't re-post this.  Love!"

"Hey everybody, let's play a game that tests who is paying attention to me so you all think about me and tell me a meaningless fact relating to how you know me because I need to feel like the center of attention and bask in how my four hundred Facebook friends talk about how they met me!  And I can do the same for you, but you'd better not pay attention to me when I'm making this desperate bid for attention without re-posting this idiotic game on your own wall, because I don't care about you if you don't play petty attention-seeking games like me."

"Everybody except for me is shallow and self-centred for only thinking about themselves and what they want, because if they ever express any desire for themselves then they have been permanently disqualified from ever being able to think about other people.  If you want anything for yourself, anything at all, then you are a terrible human being.  I am the most thoughtful, caring, gracious person who has ever existed. Let's see how many people re-post this, I bet it will be hardly anyone because I am just so inconceivably good when everybody else is so unbelievably shallow!"

Just....fuck you.  Fuck all of you dick-biting shit chutes.  I'm going to bed.

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